I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
