i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
