the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
