shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
