As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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