so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
