i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Drunk is not a location!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
