Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
