I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
