so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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