Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
