My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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