i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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