Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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