Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
