Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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