the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
