guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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