her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So apparently I’m into choking now
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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