i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
