I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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