there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
