I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
