so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
