I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
