Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
