i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
