i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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