Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
