tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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