We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
