once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
