Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
