Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
