So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
