your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
