Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Come share oat with me in your robe
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
