Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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