You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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