i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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