I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
