So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
