i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
