He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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