Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
