Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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