your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
third nipple confirmed
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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