Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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