every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
