I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
