Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
