TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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