WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
