Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
